Time Flies..

I can't believe a lot of things. I'm baffled by my life, and how much has happened, how much of it I took for granted and how much I just let slip by without enjoying it. I look back on my junior high days and realize just how amazing they really were, and what fabulous friends I had back then. I look back on the strangest, most random memories and wish I could go back to those times and relive them.

I look back on the days where my cousin and I were the best of friends, calling one another every day after work or school, hanging out every weekend. Or look back on the times I would enjoy time with her and her friends, where some of my best friends come from to this day. And how much I wish I could go back to those times where everything seemed to make a lot more sense.

I go back to the days where I was a complete anime freak, dressing up and going to every anime convention I heard of with people I don't even talk to anymore and friends I've lost along the way.

Or, looking back on the friends I continue to have to this day, and wondering how it is they've put up with me for so long... yet how I'm not really as close to them as I could be. Look back on our relationship, and how much I miss certain things about them, or wish I would have done something different to maybe make the relationship better... be someone more special to them as they are to me.  

I look through old pictures of myself, and realize how much I've changed and wonder.. is it for the better or worse? Sometimes I feel like my life is a complete mess, and that everything I've done the past few years is a waste, that I could have done things so much better. Somehow, I could have worked harder to keep those friends from junior high that I was once so close with. Or maybe made more friends in high school.  I look at my high school years, and wonder what the fuck I did those three years of my life. Wheres the proof I even went through it?

I've lost so many relationships, friendships, loved ones. But at the same time, I've gained a lot as well. I've gained a best friend, a boy friend, an amazing circle of friends.

Yet, I feel so lonely. So insignificant. 

The thing is, most days I wake up and hate who I am. Most days I look at myself in the mirror and have no idea who the person staring back at me is.. A lot of days I just sit and wonder where I've gone, wonder why I've turned out this way, wonder if any one thinks I'm worth having around REALLY. Look at what I've gained and lost... and contemplate where I went wrong with those I no longer have in my life.

I remember all the times my best friend and I have had, and how we used to laugh. And I wonder where that changed, wonder where I changed to make that stop happening. 

When did I turn into such a boring person? Why can't I keep people interested enough in me to actually want to continue to be my friend? Why don't people remember my name?

How come, when I get close to someone, they get bored of me really fast? 

What can I do to change myself so that I'm someone people actually want to be around, the kind of person people want to party with, or just hang out with; Be the one to make people laugh again. 

Where did all these insecurities come from? 

I feel completely useless, like wasted space; I bring nothing to peoples lives.

But I remember the days when I used to. Time sure flies.

Kinda Disappeared

So, this is kind of a really delayed post. It's almost been a month since I posted anything to this bloody blog, and I suppose I can blame that on thoroughly enjoying my time here, especially now that Talon is here.

From  Bali, there is so much to tell. We went from one Island of Indonesia to another (Lombok), which turned out to be not quite as nice or interesting as Bali. But we still really enjoyed our time by partying in the Gili's, doing the snorkelling trips, getting EXTREMELY sunburnt, going surfing, and enjoying some beautiful mountainous scenery. We even managed to meet some pretty cool people along the way. It's amazing to see Talon enjoying all these new "first time" things for him. I love that I get to experience that.

But now, I'm way out of Asialand, and back into the 'real world'. Australia (aka Melbourne) is wickedly amazing. The building are all really old and interesting to see. There is even a comedy festival going on right now, and in Federation Square there is a sign that says "Montreal Comedy Festival - (whatever the distance is)", which is really cool to see.

Talon and I also got to meet up with our friend from school, Maddee. It's so wicked to be here with her. I missed her so much, and she makes the Aussie experience that much more awesome. We have explored the city, seen some amazing graffiti, drowned ourselves in Goon (a cheap wine of Australia all the backpackers seem to drink), which lead to meeting a couple of new friends, AND we have also met up with another friend from home (JESS!) who is going to shack us up and hang out with us all weekend. So exciitteedd. :)

I think my favouite experience so far of Australia though, is going to an AFL game. We got to actually sit and watch an Australian footy game, which is really a mixture between American Football and Soccer. The players are intense, it's like the game never stops. And, of course, being Canadians Maddee, Talon and I got way into the game.

"DID YOU SEE THAT TACKLE?! THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!"

It was quite amusing. The man in front of us, who happened to be the guy who told us all the rules of the game and how the scoring system worked, was very impressed with our ability to cheer when you should be, and how into the game we got. Our new friends on the other hand were not quite as excited. Suckers. :)

Anyways, the time is amazing. We love it. Im not ready to go homee. :(

NEVAHH!

Raining in Baaaalllliiiiiiii. Minus the Tsunamis.

Dear world,

To start off, Talon and I are fine. There were no earthquakes nor tsunamis in the area that we are (Ubud, Bali), and we are still truckin' on in our adventure. 

Okay! So, what's been going on hasn't been much different from the other countries, except now I'm in Indonesia. The people here are all much friendlier than those in Vietnam, to start off with. They all call women darling and men boss, and even though they start off at extremely high prices I find haggling with them is much more fun than haggling with anyone else I've come into contact with. They really do find it a game. Not only do they smile and joke with you the whole time, they also show little bits of affection during, such as perhaps hitting you on the arm playfully, spanking you, or just putting their hand on your shoulder with a sweet smile. It's quite amusing. Even if it's obvious that they're just doing it to make you like them so you'll purchase their merchandise without question of whether or not you're getting ripped off. 

Also, it's nice to be somewhere that has a different religion than anywhere else that I've been so far. The temples and architecture definitely take the cake for everywhere that I have been. The Hindu religion with all it's different Gods is quite amazing, and despite how complicated it is, it's really cool to learn about. 

Starting off in Kuta was probably the best decision I made. If I had ended my trip on that disgusting, white-drunken person infested, open-air mall of a city, I think I would have been really disappointed. It really held nothing to it. But once we got into the countryside with all the beautiful rice paddy's, the palm trees reaching for the sky, and the hot weather that cools off with the rain every evening, I am really enjoying it here.

We moved on to Ubud from there, which is the 'culture center' of Bali. We've seen two traditional dance shows, an active volcano, some temples, and even did a cooking course (amaziiingggg!!). Oh, and we got attacked by some monkeys that stole my photo shop, that was fun. It's okay though! Even though they attempted to bite us, we got off scott free. 

This has been the first time that I've been in a country (just one little island of it, mind you), where I could base myself in just one little town and make my way around by just catching taxi's and then returning back to the city by the end of the day. It's much more convenient than having to lug around our bags everywhere, especially when it's near the end of the trip and, lets just say, I have enough shit by now. 

It's been really nice to have Talon around. I don't feel like I need to interact with other people as much, which is nice because it can be quite exhausting. It's way cheaper with someone else as well. If Talon weren't here, I'd be paying heaps of money for things, and I don't really think I could afford it. Which brings me to the fact that, even though the people are really great and the countryside and temples are very unique in a way, Indonesia (or at least Bali) has been the most expensive country that I've been to so far (with the exception of Japan). Maybe not the BEST place to have ended my trip, but who knows whether I would have gone crazy with money if I didn't. One could never say, I suppose.

Oh, and I guess Talons company is good to. :P (Just kidding honey.)

Bali really has turned into a vacation destination, even for me. Beaches everywhere, everyone speaking english, eating out every night (no street food in these parts :( ). That pretty much says vacation to me. Which, I don't think I really mind. 

So, with that update I leave you probably for quite a while. I just see a lot of beaches ahead of us, and so probably won't have much to write about until Australia. You'll know, obviously by the updates, but I'm just saying.

Oh, and it's raining again. I love it. 

Shit-tastic.

So, despite the initial like for Vietnam, and all the good that kind of came from it, I've still been ripped off, I've still had some traumatic experiences, and I've still managed to lose stuff along the way. I have no managed to lose both my iPod touch (sorry Darby :( ), and my wallet that just happened to contain my Visa. Thats right, I went through the whole of the past four months not losing a single thing (well, except a few articles of clothes), and now I've lost two of the most important ones. Damn. Ah well. A big thing I've learned on this trip is either you brood and be miserable, or you move on and realize it's not the biggest deal and life goes on.

I've also come to learn how to be more patient, and a little less strong-headed about things. A little. It helps to be traveling with three other strong headed girls who have strong opinions of your own, and when they are all from the same place and good friends and all you want is to make sure your new friends don't like you, you tend to let them have their way alot easier. But, I kind of like that. It means I've gained a bit more patience. 

I've decided not to go to the north at all. When I lost my wallet, I also lost some money within the wallet. My train ticket money. And so I can't really afford to go to the north. so instead, my time in Vietnam has been limited to just the middle and the south. I don't really mind though. It means more time with the Campos girls and the dynamic Matt and Leah. I am getting upset at the thought of parting ways with them, which is merely five days away. So sad to face the facts, and when you've booked your plane ticket to your next destination, it's pretty much impossible to pretend it's not going to happen. 

Vietnamese people seem to get a little bit more friendly as you move from the Norther bit to the Southern bit. The people here are so much more friendly, even the ones in Saigon. And let me tell you, Saigon is a pretty intense place that you wouldn't expect people to have the patience to be nice in. Vietnam has also proven to be a lot cheaper than it was expected to be. I mean, its even cheaper than Laos, and I mean that place is not exactly the richest place. It confuses me a little, I'm not going to lie. 

I'm getting freaked out at the thought of coming home. I know that everything at home has changed a lot. I mean, I have a new baby brother! And I know that friends have changed, lives have moved on to new things . It's going to be hard to cope with, and get used to. But I suppose I have changed a lot too, and that will be something to deal with as well. Eerything in due time, I suppose. 

For now, I am going to enjoy the hot weather, the intense feeling I get whenever I attempt to cross the street because of the fear of being hit by about 50 scooters/motorbikes, and the ocean just next door. Oh, and in only ten days, Talon. Hooray! It sure will be nice to have a little piece of home. 

Missing home, but not ready to leave.

D'Nam

Theres something about Vietnam that just screams "completely different than the rest of Southeast Asia". It might be the obvious difference in the amount of larger cities that have true buildings in them rather than just little villages scattered along roads filled with tiny huts made of bamboo; It might be the style of the buildings, and the mystical feels that the towns give off due to the beautiful  multi-colored lanterns that are strewn from building to building; Maybe its the intense traffic of millions of scooters and motorbikes constantly whizzing past  throughout the day, not bothering to make sure theres no traffic coming before going through intersections, but rather just honking their horns and hoping that the other vehicles stop; Perhaps it's the style of the temples that are build within the cities, and how there are more Pagodas with simple temples rather than the kitsch, bedazzled Buddhist temples scattered all over Laos and Thailand; It might even be the huge graveyards that are plopped randomly within the millions of rice fields and immense countryside between cities, that look so different from our own with families plotted within their own little graveyard in a graveyard. But I think it's most likely a mixture of everything together.

Really, Vietnam feels almost like I'm in a less developed, less friendly Japan. Yes, less friendly. The one thing that I must say I don't enjoy about Vietnam, so far, is the obvious "I just want your money" feel I get whenever I walk into most stores. Everything has a "local vs. tourist" price, and sometimes it's extremely hard to just let it go when you know you're being scammed. But there are some honest people who give you honest prices, and will haggle with you for the fun of it. So, the people are kind of a bittersweet experience compared to those of the other countries I've been to, which I almost always loved.

So far, my favourite experience in Vietnam has been renting push-bikes to drive around a town called Hue, and nearly dying trying to navigate the roads with all the scooters because you're not aloud to ride on the sidewalks. It's intense, feeling like you're the most vulnerable vehicle on the road, yet everyone still seeing you as a car, just slower. And when you don't really know the rules of the road, it's even more scary. 

From Hue, I have moved on down to Hoi An, where I've definitely gone much more crazy than I should have. The streets are just lined with tailors (over 400 in just the center of the city), and knowing that all you have to do is bring either an image or be able to draw what you want, walk in, choose the materials you want, and haggle down a decent price is just too tempting to pass up. Even shoes. Thats right ladies, shoes. And bags. Dresses, shirts, skirts, shorts, pants. It's a girls dream, really. An expensive dream, when everything adds up, but a dream none the less. But, at the same time, everything is cheaper than at home. I've managed to only spend 210$ on two pairs of nice shoes, two skirts, a top, a sweater, two jackets, a pair of shorts, some earrings, and a nice scarf. And thats my limit. Woohooo, overload. On top of the tailors though, Hoi An holds alot of beauty as well, especially at night when all the lanterns that adorn the streets, and the river dividing the city into two, are lit up. It's an amazing site, and pictures never do anything like it justice. 

I've met some new friends that I've been enjoying Vietnam with. A couple, and the girls younger sister from New Mexico. Sachi, Matt and Gabriella are heaps of fun, and make it easy to enjoy my time here (even if I am getting scammed). Unfortunately, they are not here nearly as long as I plan to be, because they only have a month left for both Vietnam and Cambodia, but I will soak up their company while I can. I must admit, it's nice to have North Americans with me for a change from all the Brits I have been traveling with for the past month and a half. It's just nice to talk and have people know what you're talking about when you use certain slang. But I do miss the slang of the Brits, I must admit. :) 

Talon is coming out to Indonesia and Australia, and will be arriving in 23 days, which I think is what adds that extra comfort to the probability of being alone for a bit in Vietnam. I am so excited, I can't even describe in words the happiness of having someone I really know being around again, especially when that person is one of the closest people to me. Not that I haven't really enjoyed traveling on my own (kind of), it will be really nice to be able to just relax and know that the person I am with is enjoying everything we're doing just as much as I am. When you travel with people who you've only just met, it's a bit harder to have that comfort with them. Though, that being said, I am traveling with people now that I feel extremely comfortable with in that sense. Which I enjoy alot.

Anyways, enough ranting! From here I will be moving up to Hanoi to meet up with some of the many British I met along the way. Adam and Jonny from the south of Thailand, and I will be traveling the north together, and then hopefully I will be able to come back to the south and meet back up with these three. 

But for now, I am going to enjoy their company while I can. 

I can't get over the fact that my trip is half over. It's almost sad.

Border Troubles..

Well all, it's finally happened. I managed to get myself stuck. After enjoying a week of island life surrounded by the mighty Mekong in the 4000 Islands of Laos, I find myself stuck at the border crossing between Vietnam and Laos because of the new year. Awesome. So all I do now is stand around waiting for a bus or mini bus to pass me by in little Donsavanh to take me in. That, or pay tons of money I can no longer afford. I kist have to hope that it happens before my Laos visa runs out. Fingers crossed!!

From here, when I finally get in I will be making my way to the north of Vietnam to Hanoi, hopefully meeting up with jonny and Adam from the south of Thailand, and enjoying mytime with them for a few weeks.

Time has gone by so fast in Laos. I don't feel like I have been here for three and a half weeks. I blame that on my lovely adoptive family that I've left behind in Don Det to start a new bit of my trip without. But I think that I have finally reached that point ( halfway through my trip), if I am alone and I don't like it, I will approach people an make tem like me. At least for the day, or a few.

Funny story, I managed to do that when I originally left Don Det. I left to go north for the remainder of my time, ended up meeting a bunch of people in the guesthose I was staying in and then just going back south with them instead. I was a day behind them, but who cares! I really enjoyed their company. Better late than never to learn a skill, no?

Over 100 days in! Go me! :)

Funtime Suzan

The past few weeks have gone by so fast, and alot of decisions and good times have passed within that time.

One, my birthday was heaps of fun. It was basically a three day party in Vang Vieng, Laos where you just hop in a tube, float down the river that's lined with bars that you can get buckets of alcohol while swinging on trapeze type swings into the deep water at intense heights. I know, I thought it was a dangerous combination as well. But still, it was a lot of fun to escape from serious travel, being on and off the road and spending up to fourteen hours on a bus to just going dancing for a few days.

Before this, we spent four days in beautiful French xolonial Luang prabang. It was a good place to just sit by the river and enjoy te scenery while having a cheap fifty cent banana shake and reading a book, or squeezing your way through te bustling night market trying to get to a perfect little food alley where you can get dollar bowls of delicous soup. There were some beautiful waterfalls about sixteen k out of the city that were well worth the intense climb up a steep mountain to see. Really, the climb wouldn't have been so itense had it not had to be done right after our two day trek through the mountains. But, what do you do!!

I am now sitting in an Internet cafe in Vientiane, waiting to recieve my Vietnamese visa and just hanging out. This city doesn't have alot going for it in terms of tourism. It's already a teiving city (compared to The rest of sleepy Laos), it doesn't really need the tourism I suppose.

My traveling companions have headed off in front of me so as to get some time to themselves, but I may meet up with them again in a few days time. If not, I thoroughly enjoyed them and I am really glad I got to experience traveling with them. Onwards!

Funtime Suzan, out.